He is my Prince of Peace

My 'friendboy', who is a deputy, sent me something today that he received from the chaplain at the jail.

He sent me an email this morning that pricked my heart. I generally write blogs and hope that people read them. If people read them...GREAT! If not, it is okay too. This blog is different. My prayer is that all people read this blog...especially those who are not believers!!!!!!

I am sure that you ALL know that I am a lover of Christ. I don't PREACH TO people about my faith aka trying to beat Jesus into your heads, but I am very expressive on how much I love Jesus. Many of you know the 'before and after' of my life...you can all confirm accepting Christ in my heart has been for the best. I never understood 'religion' until Dec. 15th, 2006...I still don't. I do understand the power of Healing, Wholeness, Peace, Joy, and Love of Jesus Christ.

For those of you who might not believe, sort of believe, believe but don't care...please read this below. As I said before...it pricked my heart:

"We pride ourselves in being logical creatures who demand proof before believing most things. Yet, a professor can tell us that there are 100 trillion stars in the sky, and we accept it without question. We accept as absolute fact that an atom has neutrons and electrons spinning around a nucleus, even though we have never seen any of them. We know that light travels 186,000 miles a second even though we've personally never measured it. And we agree that Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address, and that E does, in fact, equal mc2. We accept all these things as facts without ever demanding the proof of their authenticity.

Yet so many of us will reject Jesus- risking our eternal souls even when presented with solid proof, what proof? The witness of thousands of people who saw the miracles of Jesus and Testimonies from dozens who witnessed His death then saw Him alive AFTER His resurrection. And what about the fulfillment of prophecies concerning Jesus? Yet even after being shown so much solid evidence, many enlightened, logical people reject Jesus as "just some myth for the gullible." In fact, the divinity of Jesus is just about the only thing people refuse to accept, even when EVIDENCE is OVERWHELMING. Tell me, where is the logic in that?"

I know too many loved ones that have not accepted Christ into their hearts...they have been blinded by sin, turned away from hypocritical christians and/or the church, brought up in households with teaching as such as mormanism and JW's....the list goes on. I was there at one time in my life. I didn't believe in God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit. I don't want to leave this earth with ever thinking that I might have said 'just a little more' to people that I love in this lifetime. So...I won't preach. I just pray that you read this blog with an open heart.

There are moments that I ask God, "Why do 'bad people' seem to get away with things in life? Why does Jason, April and Derik seem to get away with lying, cheating, manipulating, conning, etc...while 'good people' who serve God get the short end of the stick? As always, I look upon scripture for answers because God is faithful...here is what I found:


Question: "Why does God allow good things to happen to bad people?" This question is similar to its opposite: "Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people?" Both questions refer to what seems to be the perplexing injustice we witness every day. The 73rd Psalm is our answer to the very same questions that also tormented the psalmist. Finding himself in terrible distress and agony of soul he writes, “But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold. For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked” (Psalms 73:2-3).

Answer:

The writer of this Psalm was a man named Asaph, a leader of one of the temple choirs. Obviously, he not a wealthy man, but rather one who had dedicated his life to serving God (see 1 Chronicles 25). But, like us, he had experienced some difficulties and questioned the injustice of it all. He watched the evil people around him living by their own rules, enjoying all the wealth and pleasures of the world and piling riches upon riches. He complains, "They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong. They are free from the burdens common to man; they are not plagued by human ills" (Psalms 73:4-5).

Asaph was looking at these people who didn't have problems. They could pay their bills. They had plenty to eat and plenty of luxuries. But poor Asaph was stuck with directing the choir and trying to live godly. And to add insult to injury, it didn't seem to be getting him anywhere. He began not only to envy these people, but even to question God as to why He would allow such a thing to happen!

How often do we find ourselves relating to Asaph? We dedicate our lives to serving God. Then we witness the wicked, the ungodly people around us get new cars, luxurious homes, promotions, beautiful clothes, and take fabulous trips, while we struggle to pay the electric bill. The answer lies in the rest of the psalm. Asaph envied these evil people until he realized one very important thing. When he entered the sanctuary of God, he fully understood their final destiny: “When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny. Surely you place them on slippery ground; you cast them down to ruin. How suddenly are they destroyed, completely swept away by terrors! As a dream when one awakes, so when you arise, O Lord, you will despise them as fantasies” (Psalms 73:16-20). Those who have temporary riches on earth are in reality spiritual beggars because they do not have true riches—eternal life.

There are many times when we do not understand what is happening to us, nor do we understand how providence works. When Asaph entered the sanctuary of God, he began to see that there was no need for him to be envious of the prosperity of the wicked because their prosperity is in reality an illusion. He began to comprehend that the ancient deceiver, Satan, had played tricks with his vision and used lies to distract him from the reality of God. Upon entering the sanctuary, he realized that prosperity is a fleeting fulfillment, a fashion show of what is to pass away, like a pleasant dream that pleases us only for a little while but when we awaken, we realize it was not real. Asaph rebukes himself for his own stupidity. He admits to being “senseless and ignorant” to envy the wicked or to be jealous of the perishing. His thoughts then returned to his own happiness in God when he realized how much more joy, fulfillment and true spiritual prosperity he had in the Creator.

We may not have everything we want here on earth, but we will one day prosper for all eternity through Jesus Christ our Lord. Whenever we are tempted to try the other road, we should remember that the other road is a dead end (Matthew 7:13). But in all truth, the narrow road before us through Jesus is awesome and is the only road that leads to eternal life. That should be our joy and our comfort. “Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge . . .” (Psalm 73:25, 27-28)

We need not concern ourselves when good things seem to happen to bad people. We only need to keep our focus on our Creator and enter into His presence every day through the portal of His holy Word. There we will find truth, contentment, spiritual riches and eternal joy.

Question: "Does God love Satan? Since we are to love our enemies, does that mean we should love Satan?"

Answer: One of the most precious statements in all of Scripture is “God is love” (1 John 4:8). But in our limited human understanding, we sometimes believe this means that God loves everyone and everything all the time. This is not so, because the Bible also tells us that God hates many things. He hates idolatry (Deuteronomy 12:31, 16:22; Psalm 31:6) because the worship of false gods robs Him of the praise and glory that belong to Him alone. Proverbs 6:16-19 tell us that God hates seven things: a proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that plots wicked plans, feet hurrying to run to evil, a false witness who speaks lies, and he who causes fighting among brothers. God also hates divorce (Malachi 2:16).

Because God is holy and perfectly righteous, He hates with a pure, holy, righteous hatred. He cannot do otherwise. Neither can He love that which is evil and unholy, and Satan embodies all of that. He is the enemy (1 Peter 5:8); the evil one (Matthew 6:13); the father of lies and a murderer (John 8:44); the accuser of God’s people (Revelation 12:10); the tempter (1 Thessalonians 3:5); proud, wicked and violent (Isaiah 14: 12-15); a deceiver (Acts 13:10); a schemer (Ephesians 6:11); a thief (Luke 8:12), and many, many more evil things. He is, in fact, everything that God hates. The heart of Satan is fixed and confirmed in his hatred of God, his judgment is final, and his destruction is sure. Revelation Chapter 20 describes God’s future plan for Satan and love has no part in it.

It is only because we are “partakers of the Divine nature” (2 Peter 1:4) that we are able to love God and others, even our enemies. In our natural (unsaved) state, we are only able to act according to our fallen natures because we belong to the evil one. When we come to Christ in faith, God gives us a new nature (2 Corinthians 5:17)—His righteous and holy nature—and we are then able to love with His love which He has put into our hearts. Then we love that which is good and pure and holy, just as God loves, and we hate sin and evil, just as He hates it. He tells us to love our enemies so that they will repent and turn to Him while there is still time in this age of grace. But Satan will never turn to God and repent, and therefore God will never love him.

Because Satan is the embodiment of evil and everything that is antithetical to the God we love, we cannot love Satan. When Jesus tells us to loves our enemies and pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44), He is referring to other people. We pray for them to come to know God through faith, to believe in Christ and be saved from their sins. We are never told to pray for Satan because there is no chance of his salvation. He does not need faith because he has seen God, knows God and has rejected Him. Therefore, the enemies we love and pray for do not include Satan.

So does God love Satan and should we love him? The answer is absolutely, without a doubt, no. God has already declared the end and demise of Satan in the Bible: "And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever" (Revelation 20:10). God has already determined that there will be no forgiveness for Satan; there will be absolutely no chance of him coming into God’s presence, and the sacrificial love God shows for His children is out of the reach of Satan. Even if it were within his grasp, Satan would spurn it just as he spurned God’s rule in heaven.

www.gotquestions.org

This blog is not intended to “preach” fire and brimstone or scare people into salvation by asking the unsuccessful question, “Do you know where you will go if you left this earth today?” Trust me, I considered myself agnostic/atheist about 4 years ago. That question never led me to give my life to Jesus. I am only sorting through my own thoughts, processing my own emotions on death and sharing those thoughts with anyone who cares to read due to so many loved ones passing from this earth. So, comments are always welcomed but I am certainly not starting any kind of debate here…

Death has been in the back of my mind for a couple of years now. As a lot of you know, I was diagnosed with Stage IIIC Ovarian Cancer back in 2008. Although I am in remission, I still have to get past the 5-6 year “danger zone” before my chances of recurrence is lessened. As to date, I have a 50-80% the cancer may come back.

This past year alone, I have had someone close to me pass away and know of people who have passed away at an early age. My uncle Ronnie passed away at the age of 58 from cancer. My best friend lost her grandmother, Elizabeth Jarosin. A high school schoolmate ended her life at the age of 37. And 32 year-old Misty Williams recently passed away of cancer. This is all within 4 months, and we just started the month of April.

I think it would be safe to say that both believers and non-believers ask the question, “Why God?” at one point in our lives when it comes to the death of a loved one lost too soon. Losing a loved one at a young age or losing a loved one who has small children is hard for us to grasp. I often find myself asking the same question while grieving… "WHY?” I think the closest I have ever been to God through prayer and seeking His Truth was the 2007 horrific accident that claimed the lives of Siran Stacey’s wife and four children. For quite some time, I would ask “Why those precious young innocent children?” “Why would this happen to such a beautiful family?” I would wake up in the middle of the night interceding through prayer and asking God to give me some of the pain Siran was enduring. I will forever remember the comfort that I received from God during those times and I was not even a part of the immediate family. How much more was God comforting the loved ones? Something else that comforted me was I knew the Stacey family would be seen again by many in Heaven.

This is where I ask that you read my first paragraph over because some might think I am about to get “preachy or spooky spiritual.”

I am in the middle of reading a book called, “Heaven” by Randy Alcorn. Ha! I am in the middle of reading MANY books right about now. Anyway, I read the following and it really made me start thinking.

“Earth is an in-between world touched by both Heaven and Hell. Earth leads directly into Heaven or directly into Hell, affording a choice between the two. The best of life on Earth is a glimpse of Heaven; the worst of life is a glimpse of Hell. For Christians, this present life is the closet they will come to Hell. For unbelievers, it is the closest they will come to Heaven.” –Randy Alcorn

That small but powerful paragraph has my wheels turning!

I have had a lot of emotions and thoughts surfacing lately as I have been reflecting back on the family of Siran Stacy, the death of my uncle due to cancer, lives lost due to cancer and illnesses, my best friend’s grandmother, and the young woman who committed suicide. Although it saddens me that all of these people lost their lives too early…some sadden me more than others. For me, it is the lives of whom I know were not believers that sadden and grieve my heart the most.

Death is inevitable. We will all eventually pass from this earth into the spiritual realm. As a believer in Christ, I know that to be absent of the body is to be present with the Lord. I will go to Heaven and I will be with my Heavenly Father. Of course, there are two sides of that spiritual realm. The other reality is not all people go to Heaven. We ALL have the choice to live life eternally with the Father (Heaven) or live eternally without Him (Hell) but He gives us the free-will to choose. We either accept His Son into our heart or we don’t. Regardless of our choice, we will be face to face with the Father before passing to one side or the other. God doesn’t send people to hell. People choose where eternity will be spent.

Okay, I know some might think that was a little bold or harsh but I felt I had to put a little bit of my “two cents” worth concerning that very important issue. LOL!

I look at my own life, my battle with cancer and my faith. Even with my strong faith… I often wonder if the cancer will come back. Living, dying, faith and salvation has been part of my daily thoughts for the past several years. As a believer, I am not afraid of leaving this earth. To me, if the cancer ever takes my physical body, I have still won! I only pray that I will see many of my friends and family that have not taken the step of faith to accept Christ. I don’t know if it is right or wrong that I don’t beat them over the head with my Bible…hehe just kidding…but I just know that it took me desiring change in my life to accept Christ and receive salvation. I also pray for people to truly understand that no one is promised tomorrow.

Since this blog was somewhat deep, I will end it with a little humor from the book, “Heaven.”

An Indiana cemetery has a tombstone, more than one hundred years old, with the following epitaph:

Pause, stranger, when you pass me by:
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so you will be.
So prepare for death and follow me.

An unknown passerby scratched these additional words on the tombstone:

To follow you I’m not content,
Until I know which way you went.


Blessings and love,
Tasha

1 Timothy 3:1-7

“This is a faithful saying: If a man desires the position of a bishop, he desires a good work.

A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous; one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?); not a novice, lest being puffed up with pride he fall into the same condemnation as the devil. Moreover he must have a good testimony among those who are outside, lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.”

I remember Pastor Steve talking about this scripture. Just as Proverbs 31 talks about the “Godly wife/woman” this would be the scripture as to how a husband/man lives his life. Although, I far from desire a mate/spouse in my life, I do feel that I should be wise and write down the characteristics of a Godly man in my heart. I remember I was told years ago and it was brought up recently, the way to spot counterfeit money is not by studying variations of the counterfeit money BUT study the “real deal.” Once you know what the “real deal” looks like you can easily spot the counterfeit if it comes your way. If protecting your dollar is a big deal then how much more important is it to guard your heart from potential poison of another? Proverbs 4:23 NIV states, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”

1 Timothy 3:1-7 shows us the characteristics of what a Godly man should possess. However, we all have our “wish list” too. I, for instance, would certainly love a great cook. Actually, my list keeps growing and growing. Does this mean I will meet someone with all of these qualities? No. However, I do feel the characteristics of the Godly man should not waver. None of us are perfect. I believe it is all about being balanced. We will not always possess good behavior. Is that man/woman consistently the 1 Timothy 3:1-7 man and/or Proverbs 31 woman? If not, are they more so on a rollercoaster or having an identity crisis? I think consistency is important.
I decided to write this after reading an old email concerning dating that I received from a friend. I will have to post it. For those who are praying for God to place that man/woman of God in your life…keep your eyes and heart open. Do not settle for less than God’s best for you.

Jezebel: A woman who is regarded as evil and scheming.

I was not feeling great this weekend so I ended up staying in Pensacola for church instead of driving out to Destin. Although, I missed DWC very much...God is always right on time and ministers to us wherever we go if we are open to His Word. I visited Pace Assembly of God last night. I really enjoy listening to Pastor Joey Rogers. He preached about the Spirit of Jezebel. I have not heard anything about this in the small amount of time being a Christian. So, I am now intrigued and look forward to learning more. I am certainly one who believes that EVERYTHING is a spiritual battle. Read Ephesians 6:10 in God's Word! I think knowing what we are against can help us defeat the enemy. Here are the notes from last night. As I review all of these notes, I have seen how closely the Spirit of Jezebel has been in my life and how I was affected by that spirit...physically and emotionally. Thank You GOD for opening my eyes and ears. As Pastor Joey stated, "We must have compassion on the person but do not tolerate the unclean spirit."
Here are the notes from Pastor Joey Rogers at Pace Assembly of God on "The Spirit of Jezebel."
NO ONE is immune to deception. When we are faced with differences in truth we should ask ourselves, "Is it true to Jesus? and Does it line up with God's Word?"

The Spirit of Jezebel is gender neutral. So, no...Jezebel does not have to be a WOMAN. Personally, as I reflect back in my own personal life, I have seen the Jezebel Spirit affect me through men.

Characteristics of a Jezebel Spirit:

1. Play religious games
2. Camouflages the desire to control with religious talk
3. Seeks teaching and leadership roles
4. Searches the church or organization for allies
5. Relentlessly points out problems in leadership-exaggerates
6. Pretends to be submissive and humble to gain advantage
7. Hides from true repentance
8. Manipulation is a way of life
9. Changes their opinions and contradicts themselves
10. Compromises as needed
11. Probe's peoples character for weak areas
12. Plays one group against another
13. Works friends against friends and destroys relationships
14. Claims to be misunderstood when confronted
15. No respect for authority

The satanic control factor of a Jezebel Spirit needs two things to operate:

1. An idol you cannot live without
2. Fear factor-feeling of loss, isolation, exclusion, failure-workds under the cover of darkness, it operates by suggestion and innuendo

Jezebel hates:

1. Prayer
2. The anointed man or woman of God
3. The Word of God

Symptoms of an attack from a Jezebel Spirit:

1. Confusion, distractions, discouragement, hopelessness, disunity
2. Paralyzing fear, anxiety, depression, despair
3. Unwillingness to resolve conflict-cannot be reasoned with based on the Word of God
4. Picking to pieces through gossip and negativity
5. Guilt or condemnation, shame or self-doubting, spiritual dullness
6. Physical and emotional exhaustion-can't sleep, no appetite and stress related pain

How to overcome an attack from a Jezebel Spirit:

1. Expose it
2. Confront it
3. Break ties with it-repent of sin
4. Seek the Lord in prayer and fasting
5. Find strength to stand against the spirit-through the Word of God
6. Must be filled with the Holy Ghost
7. Worship the Lord

As with most things in my life, I continue to seek wisdom and discernment so I can know which spirit I am dealing with in others and myself. We are given many opportunities to discern with "red flags" and sometimes a huge slap in the face but if we do not pay attention and put on the Armour of God then we set ourselves up for the enemy to come in to kill, steal and destroy. He is not our friend. He hates us and desires nothing more than to destroy our lives, marriages, friendships, careers, and callings in our lives. Put on the Armour of God. We are in a Spiritual battle.

Hi. My name is Tasha. My color is “Teal.” My awareness month is “September.” I am a 1 year survivor of Stage IIIC Ovarian Cancer. I was first diagnosed with cancer at the age of 34. Within less than a two month timeframe, I would have a full hysterectomy, endure chemotherapy and that was not even the worst of it…the reality that my dream of becoming a mother would never come true. I would like to share my journey with you on my battle of ovarian cancer.

No one can prepare a person to hear the words, “You have cancer.” I certainly was not expecting to hear those words back in May/June 2008.

I had been having a pain in my left abdomen area that shot down my inner thigh to my foot. The pain was more of a dull ache but it had been there for several weeks. In the past, I battled what I thought was Irritable Bowel Syndrome for years along with urgency in urinating. This certainly was not normal for a woman in her late 20’s.I had grown close to my gynecologist due to frequent office visits complaining about my stomach. I had numerous tests done and everything appeared to be normal. This time, I was determined to find answers on what was causing the pain so as a “last resort” my gynecologist performed a vaginal ultrasound. Hello…cyst! Or, so we thought. ”Come back in 6 weeks and we will perform another ultrasound because cysts usually dissolve.” Okay, doc. 6 weeks later, I find out the cyst is now believed to be a tumor on my left ovary. No biggie. Remove the left ovary and tumor. I can still have children with only one functioning ovary. After the first surgery, I was informed my doctor had concerns about the tumor. He sent the tumor to the University of Florida (Go Gators!) and to a local pathologist. A few weeks later, I receive a phone call from a gynecologic/oncologist to set up an appointment. I remember thinking, “what the heck is an oncologist?” I look in a phone book and there it is…a cancer doctor. This is the first moment where I knew something was not right. Thank you…Yellow Pages!

“Good morning, Tasha. My name is Dr. DeCesare of the Sacred Heart gynecologic/oncology. I have reviewed your results from the removal of your left ovary and tumor. You have been referred to me due to the results and findings of malignancy of the tumor. You have ovarian cancer. We are not sure of the staging as of yet…We will have to perform a full hysterectomy and you will have to undergo chemotherapy. Your surgery will be on July 24, 2008. Your life will be forever changed!” Okay, so, my meeting wasn’t exactly like that but you get the jest of it.

“Wait! God? This is not supposed to happen. I am supposed to have babies. I am getting married this year. This is not how my life is supposed to turn out. Stop! God, I turned away from my old lifestyle and not believing in You to living my life only for You. Why are You doing this to me? It is not fair!” This would be one of a few pity-party moments.

I decided before my surgery date to shave my head. I knew that I would have to endure chemotherapy and I certainly was not allowing the devil to “take my hair.” I had a shaving-Tasha’s-head-party in which my mom, new husband, and youngest brother participated in the head shaving. I looked in the mirror and laughed. I thought I looked like Demi Moore in the movie, GI Jane.

Two weeks later, I would find myself checking in for surgery. I didn’t know this day would be the beginning of more trials than I had anticipated. “God, I trust You. I know that you do not want your children to be sick. You do not cause sickness. I believe in You to guide the hands of my doctor and heal my body. I stand on Your Word in Isaiah 53:5 that BY HIS STRIPES WE ARE HEALED.”

This would be the day that my dream of children is stripped from me, the results would show the cancer is more advanced (20% cure rate) and my new Christian husband would blame and turn away from God.

The hysterectomy was difficult. I don’t think we truly appreciate our bodies and health when we are healthy. Who knew that our abdominal muscles are involved with every function of our existence? Maybe that is why the abdominal area is considered the core. Go figure! I was in the hospital for approximately 6 days. I would soon start chemotherapy and the battle of my life.

Chemo sucks! There…I said it. If anybody says otherwise then they are lying! I remember reading a book right before my chemo started titled, “When God and cancer meet.” The introduction goes like this…”When I was in the hospital after my cancer surgery, a friend came into my room and told me God was going to teach me great things through this trial. I wanted to take the IV out of my arm, stab it in hers, and tell her, “You get in the bed and learn great things from God, because I don’t want to learn this way.” Chemo is horrendous. There is nothing like a bunch of poison invading the body attacking and causing havoc to the system. First, one has to endure sitting at an infusion center for 6-8 hours while the body is being pumped of the toxic cocktail mix. The sickness doesn’t hit right away so I thought I would be one of the lucky ones to not endure sickness and maybe even keep my hair. Wait. Why did I shave my head? Okay, a day later, reality hits. Vomit. Diarrhea. Body aches. Constipation. Nausea. Dehydration.

“God, I am not as strong as I thought, I am begging You to bring me home.”

Several days pass and I feel like I am coming back to being myself. Praise God! I was ready to celebrate. However, my new husband who turned away from God crashed. He had turned to addiction instead of to God. This would be the beginning of various months in rehab for drug addiction and many feelings of abandonment while battling for my life.

Day 21 of chemo, I start losing my hair. I thought I was pretty blessed to have kept my hair for that long. Most women lose it around day 14…so I am told. I found a website that allowed me to ask questions and connect with other women going through chemo for ovarian cancer. I found that a lot of the women had the most difficult time with the hair loss more than anything.

I recited the Serenity Prayer.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.”

I accepted that I was going through this battle but I would not succumb to the lies of the enemy. I accepted I would not have children. I accepted I was a bald-headed woman but I would not hide under a wig. I accepted that I would face this without my husband but I had God, my family, friends and church. I would be courageous and hold my beautiful bald head high wherever I went. I would be courageous yet use wisdom and support my husband through his battle of addiction. I would live my life one day at a time and enjoy what came my way…good or bad. I would seek God for peace and trust Him that He would turn all of this into something good. Wow! I think this sounds familiar. I remember the friend of the author who had cancer in the book I had read, “When God and cancer meet.”

I do not recall how far into my treatments I was in but I was feeling very sick and losing a ton of weight. I think I was around 100lbs. My Pastor and church prayed for me and anointed me with oil. I remember believing and receiving my healing that moment. I knew no matter what happened within the next upcoming months, I was healed by the Ultimate Physician.

After several treatments, I was introduced to a WONDERFUL drug called, Emend. I strongly recommend this drug to all who can take it when going through chemo. This miracle drug allowed me to tolerate the chemo cocktail. I still had the body aches but I no longer continually vomited. Thank You, God!

There is actually quite a bit of humor when having cancer and going through chemotherapy. I walked around bald most of the time. Yes, I did lose my eyebrows and eyelashes too! I wasn’t trying to make a statement. I was trying to be as comfortable physically as one can be during this trial. You can only imagine the response of children. I found that children either love you or they are terrified. I had one little girl cry when she saw me in the line at Publix buying groceries. I slowly moved to another line. I would have some children stare trying to figure out “what” I was…I did call myself an alien every so often. For the most part, I would experience children with an angelic smile on their face slowly lift up their hand and wave at me. Precious!

My last chemo treatment was December 5, 2008. Chemo is finally over!

You might be wondering what happened with my husband during this entire battle with cancer. Well, I sought the Lord with much prayer (after many attempts of him getting clean) and I was released from him. I feel that we are sometimes released from battles that are never intended to be ours. God will be his Strength, Healer, and Deliverer as He was mine.

I am a little over one year being cancer free as I write, “My Journey with Cancer. “ I still have blood drawn every 3 ½ months for my CA-125 marker and CT-scans twice a year for the next 5-6 years. I have moments right before my check up where I get nervous and thoughts of “What if the cancer is back?” I have a head full of beautiful dark curly hair. God blessed me with better hair! I have put on some much needed weight and I am now learning about menopause at the age of 36. I know that I have much more to learn on this world of cancer that I scarcely knew existed until 2008. I am looking into starting a cancer care ministry within my church. I guess the Lord will open the doors if it is His Will. I am forever grateful to my family, friends, and church for the support and prayers extended to me. Most of all, I am forever grateful for the lessons learned, faith increased, and the power of Healing by the Lord.

I pray those who read “My Journey with Cancer” will be encouraged to find strength and hope from my story but most importantly, to find strength and hope from God. I encourage the one going through cancer and family and friends to read the book, “When God and cancer meet” by Lynn Eib. It is a book of true stories of hope and healing.

I have only been a Christian for 3 years. I truly believe the enemy was testing my faith and relationship with God. I was only a follower of Christ for 1 ½ years when diagnosed. It is easy to trust and love God when we are on the mountaintop. What happens when we are in the valley of death and divorce? I could have never gotten through all that I endured without the love of my Father in Heaven. He loves us!

Blessings and healing to all in His name,
Tasha

I have wanted to blog on the topic of “Christianity” for quite some time but I have been very hesitant. Why? I know that I could possibly be opening up a can of worms for negative feedback from Non-Christians and even Christians. I guess when you get down to it blogging isn’t about being right or wrong it is all about the perception, thoughts, feelings, and experiences from the one who is blogging.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about why people are hesitant to give their life to the Lord and why Christians turn away from “the church.” I don’t think it is because of God that people are hesitant or walk away but it is because of Christians. This is not a new revelation so I definitely won’t take the credit.

Ironically enough, I knew that I would be blogging on this topic and a book coincidentally (NOT) popped up during my visit at Lifeway Christian Bookstore. It is called, “I’m fine with God… It’s Christians I can’t stand” by Bruce Bickel and Stan Jantz. The book definitely caught my attention. I must say that I LOVE my brothers and sisters in Christ and this blog is not to slam anybody nor is it directed at anyone in particular. Again, I am going on my perception, thoughts, feelings and experiences before and after being a “Christian.”

In the book there was a study done with a Christian audience asking, “What one word best describes the reputations Christians have in our society?”

Responses: Judgmental, Hypocritical, Self-Righteous, Ignorant, Pushy, Dangerous, Irrelevant and Obnoxious.

“These Christian groups always agree that this unflattering reputation of their own constituency is deserved and accurate. They readily admit that their group is not being falsely accused. Apparently a lot of extremist Christians somewhere have been working very hard to earn their unflattering reputation. “

I have only read the first several pages but I am truly looking forward to reading the book.

I remember before I gave my life to the Lord I thought Christians were judgmental, hypocritical, self-righteous, ignorant, pushy, and obnoxious. I am pretty sure that I had a few more adjectives to describe Christians and Christianity. As a Christian, I have found some of those same descriptions to be true. Hence, I feel that Non-Christians and Christians reject God because of “Christians.”

As a Christian, I know that we are ALL in need of God’s grace and mercy. NONE of us are perfect. We can’t read our bibles or pray enough or do “works” to be perfect. Jesus is perfect. We are not. We’ve read bumper stickers that tell us that “Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven.” But Christians don’t need to announce to the world they aren’t perfect; this comes as no surprise to anyone. The fact is painfully obvious to every person who isn’t a Christian. But we’re not so sure it is obvious to the Christian themselves. Even if they are not part of the murderous, bigoted extremist, too many Christians tend to be hypercritical, self-righteous, judgmental and intolerant. In the marketplace of ideas, God deserves a FAIR SHOT. Whether people believe in Him or not ought to be their free choice. But God should NOT be handicapped with the baggage of harebrained followers who claim His name but do not accurately reflect His principles. LOVE!

I have experienced some of these ungodly reactions personally as a Christian. As a very passionate believer I have even found myself slowly shying away from other Christians. This does not mean I have entertained the thought of walking away from the Lord. He is my Everything! However, I have experienced on more than one occasion…wolves in sheep’s clothing and Christians full of pride and judgment. Am I being judgmental feeling this way? Again, I am not blogging to be right or wrong this is my perception and experiences.

I think anybody who truly knows me can say without a doubt that I love people. My passion is that people come to know my Savior, Healer, Prince of Peace…Jesus!!! I am still friends with loved ones that I knew before I was saved. Several, probably most, are not living a Godly lifestyle. Do I judge them? No. I feel that I truly live by the saying, “One can love the sinner but not the sin.” Hmm…are we not all sinners? I believe in that saying yet in some way it sounds like isolation as if Christians do not sin. Sadly, I think that Christians tend to isolate themselves from others with the idea that they are perfect. Yes, there is scripture that we are not to be unequally yoked and we are no longer of this world. I do know my Bible. At the same time…did Jesus isolate himself and only hang out with the Godly people? No. How many Christians that are judgmental, prideful and self-righteous are leading unbelievers to the Lord? I would say probably not many. I feel that we can be passionate (about Christ) yet compassionate (to the lost). I can honestly say that if I would have dropped all of my “non-believing” friends it would have caused more damage.

SIN-Is one sin GREATER than another? No. Sin is sin no matter how you look at it. The difference between an unbeliever and a believer is acknowledging the sin and repenting from it. For whatever reason, my past experiences with people who struggle with sin (drug addiction, pride, anger and lust) are judgmental of other sin. It absolutely blows my mind. Personally, I pray for the grace and mercy for my own short-comings instead of judging the sin of other people.

I have touched quite a bit about “Christians” but what about the judgmental, hypocritical and self-righteousness of the unbeliever? I guess it goes both ways. Is it okay to judge ALL Christians are the same? How about being hypocritical? Is it hypocritical to call upon the name of the Lord in time of need only to throw Him to the side when He is no longer needed? He is not a let-me-grant-you-three-wishes genie in a bottle or have you been a good boy/girl Santa Claus.” Better yet, is there so much self-righteousness where one feels that they don’t even need God?

With all of this being said, my prayer is that people embrace one another where they are in life. We are not one another’s Holy Spirit or Savior. All we should strive for as Christians is show people the love of Christ. We might not agree with a certain lifestyle, denomination, or lack thereof but we are called to LOVE. I would much rather love the sinner (not the sin) VS reject the sinner and turn that person away from knowing the love of God.

Being a Christian is not as easy as one might believe. We are always under a microscope. We are under a microscope with unbelievers and other Christians. At the same time, Christians are continually looking at the sin of unbelievers. Can we not all just focus working on ourselves, loving others where they are in life and letting God have His way in us to bring others to Him?

I have heard and used the saying that people come in our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. I don't remember when or by whom I first heard that expression but it was around the time I first gave my life to the Lord. I feel that saying sheds light to people and circumstances in my life and I hold onto it.

Looking back, I can see all the different circumstances and the people who had a role in those circumstances/my life and can make the distinction as to the "category" they are placed in my life. Out of the three, Reason, Season, or Lifetime, I struggle with the season. I prefer reason and lifetime relationships.

REASONS-

I dated a guy when I was a teenager who was extremely abusive to me...physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually. He is now serving 3 life sentences and possibly death row. I never understood the "reason" why a loving God would "allow" me to go through something so horrendous. Keep in mind...I didn't even believe in God but that isn't the point. LOL! However, I can look back now and see that God was my Protector during those times and I didn't even know it. I can now minister to women who have been in abusive relationships.

I battled depression most of my life. For any of those who have struggled with this demon...it is not fun. Sadly, I would try to find "things" or "people" to fulfill my life only to be left unsatisfied. I feel now that I can relate to others who have dealt with this demon and let them know there is Hope found in Jesus and Jesus alone.

My breaking point was when I dated a man that I had no business dating. I remember becoming so broken due to the pain, anguish, guilt and all the other demons that come with that chaos that I called upon the name of Jesus to save me. I can honestly say that I don't regret that "reason" because I gave my life to the Lord in a car in New Orleans and I have never been the same.

Cancer. The scary "C" word. I remember hearing that word for the first time pertaining to my life. I was more disturbed that I would never have children. I was never scared of cancer. I guess deep down I knew that I would be healed. I held onto the scripture of "By His Stripes we are healed" and believed in the power of prayer. I have been blessed with healing and the powerful testimony of Jesus still healing today.

My brief marriage to a drug addict/con artist was bittersweet. Ya know, I will be the first to say that the short-lived marriage caused a lot of pain. However, I feel that it was also a distraction for me while battling cancer. It truly kept my mind off of being sick. To this day, I look back at pictures of when I was going through cancer and chemo and it is hard for me to recall memories...all of my memories are those of dealing with an addict. God knows why things happen the way they do. I can only guess that this was a test...which I passed...and I have been blessed with another powerful testimony.

LIFETIMES-

I consider my long lasting friendships my "lifetimes." I have friendships ranging from 24 years to a little over a year. The friends that are in my circle are lifetime relationships. I know that time or circumstances will not change the nature of our relationship. There are no temper tantrums, back-stabbing or drama. There is communication...sometimes with my disclaimers...always with love. We can go days, weeks, months or a year of not talking but connect again as if no time has lapsed. I treasure these friendships more than I could ever express. We are there for one another no matter what happens!!

Seasons-

The one that saddens me is season. I struggle with season friendships or circumstances. To me, it seems like a waste of time, shallow, tiring, unfulfilled, and heartbreaking. Maybe this is my lack of maturity in my faith as I know biblically we all go through seasons. I have experienced relationships where I thought one might be a lifetime friendship only to find that expectations, selfishness, pride and drama is revealed and the friendship is dwindled down to nothing more than a season...heck...even a reason would give a little more substance. I am sure as I grow in my faith I will learn a little more. Hence, one reason why I love having relationships with my brothers and sisters in Christ...I hear Godly wisdom.

I guess all we can do is continue to love one another and let God be God in our lives. God and time will reveal the reason, season and lifetime people/circumstances in our lives. The reasons can be positive or negative and the season are not understood by me...I completely trust God to make all things work together for good and to His glory.

I have wanted to blog for awhile but I have been hesitant (once again) due to emotions. I used to blog all of the time on Myspace and felt comfortable with expressing my thoughts. For many reasons, I feel that I have to watch what I write on Facebook/Blogger. I don't like it.

I have been thinking about people lately. Motives, actions, reactions, loyalty, expectations, honesty and character. I have thought about people currently in my life and those who were only a part of my life for a reason or season. Before I was saved (born again/new creation in Christ), I never trusted a person right away. It took me a very long time to trust...if at all. When I gave my life to the Lord, I think I started trusting to easily...especially other Christians. I am currently struggling with discernment. I used to think I had great discernment but now I think since I didn't trust anyone my discernment "appeared" to be right on. As a Christian, my mind has become clouded and it is more difficult for me to discern "Christians." It is easy to know when something is not right with those who are not saved. It is difficult (for me) to discern the works of the enemy when someone proclaims to live the life as a man or woman of God.

It is no secret that I had a very rough year in 2008 with my ex husband. Many witnessed the work of the enemy so I generally don't have to elaborate. I am not in the bad-mouthing business ...I state the facts and move on...so I will leave it there. I do bring him up only to say that I was "clouded" in my discernment due to the "man of God and christian mask." My ex is only one of several recent examples of clouded discernment when it comes to Christians.

I have also recently lost a "Christian" friend due to pride. Not pride on my side...all who know me know that I am not prideful. I will try to keep things peaceful as much as possible even to the point of apologizing/kissing up when I am not at fault. Are temper tantrums really necessary? I guess being a cancer survivor I look at things as life or death. If I am lying on my death bed....is this really going to matter? If not, I will do everything possible to make amends. Bottom line, I cannot change the hearts of man...only God can. Do people really desire to change?

I am certainly not blogging to slam christians because I AM ONE. LOL! I am a lover of Jesus. Some even call me a Jesus freak...I'm just sayin....ha ha ha. I am blogging for insight. Godly insight. I have thought the safest way to discern is to remove the "christian label" off of people that I meet so I am not clouded. I truly don't know. I don't ever want to be one of those people who turn away due to being hurt by the "church." I don't mean Destiny Worship Center. I mean my "brothers and sisters in Christ."

There are moments where I catch myself closing up. The problem with closing up is that I am to passionate about Jesus. I love Him and want to please Him so that means I love others. It is hard to love others when you have a wall closing yourself inside.

I guess the only thing to do is realize that people are still people despite where they are or where they are not with God. Nobody is perfect. The enemy will try to cause division and sometimes he will accomplish. At the end of the day (I sound like Pastor), all we can do is love on each other and pray for one another.

I have been walking through trials lately that have posed the question..."What is the motivation?" Is it self motivated or God motivated? Are people in my life showing their love without expectations? Expectations can kill friendships and relationships. Showing love with the wrong motivation can kill relationships.

It appears being a follower of Christ makes it harder to discern motives. I have been guilty of thinking ALL christians have the same heart condition. I married a man whom I would have never married if he didn't wear a christian mask. What saddens me the MOST is that people who wear christian masks or have wrong motivations cause the most damage to those who are seeking the Lord. The Holy Spirit gives us the gift of discernment but to a new believer "the mask" can be deceiving.

I say to all of those who are wearing a mask...being a pollyanna...STOP! The bible states that we must NOT make another stumble. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Allow your motivations to be those of God. Trust me...one would rather do without than to be receiving with motivations that are not of the Lord.

My "random" blogs are generally all over the place and filled more with emotions instead of knowledge. I am sure this one will be the same. I have been feeling many different emotions these past several months. I would like to think most of them are positive.

I am officially divorced as of October 27th, 2009. The big divorce day was/is bittersweet. It was something that had to happen yet divorce is not always the easiest choice to make regardless of how terrible the marriage is at the time. I knew the moment I filed for divorce that I had been released from Jason by the Lord. I continually receive confirmation by the still existing lifestyle and rollercoaster that I observe from a distance. Thank You, Christ Jesus, for releasing me and giving me the courage to walk away and love myself enough to make those tough decisions.

I am also starting to come to the realization that men and women (singles) truly don't know how to be "just friends." It is a confusing situation that leaves people hurt, bitter and closed off no matter how much is expressed in the beginning of the "expectations" and reality of the friendship. One can state that they are loving you with the heart of God and that no expectations are in that friendship but I have found that is not true. When the reality hits that the friendship will not turn into romance...actions or lack of actions become apparent and truth is revealed. I have found that I am more comfortable surrounding myself around women of God for that one on one friendship. I will continue to allow God to guide my steps and if/when it ever changes then I will know without a doubt.

I have been taking a class at Destiny Worship Center taught byt our Pastor. Basically, it is a leadership class that is helping us find our "calling" and place in the church. I think everybody knows that I LOVE MY CHURCH and I want to be used in mighty ways. I don't care if that means I am scrubbing toliets. I LOVE MY CHURCH and more importantly, I LOVE SERVING GOD! I know that my calling is spreading the gospel. I LOVE talking about Jesus especially to those who do not know the Lord. I don't know what the future holds but I know that I am called to witness.

Last, I just had another check up and I am cancer free! Praise Jesus, my Healer and Prince of Peace!!! I don't know why I become anxious when it comes time to have my check up. It is not a lack of faith as some might think. I guess it takes "being there" to know what I am experiencing. Nonetheless, I received confirmation from my WONDERFUL Dr. D (hehe...some of you know what I am talking about) and I feel that heaviness fall off of my shoulders.

So, I guess that sums it up for now. I still would love to blog more openly like I used to do on Myspace but I will let the Lord lead my fingers.

I have spent quite some time trying to figure out what I want to write. I tend to always have an opinion about something but I generally don't feel the need to voice it as I used too. Maybe it is growth in my walk with the Lord, discernment or I could just be more cautious and have my guard up. Nonetheless, I have found that I blog less and less. However, as life unfolds and time passes with each day, I still find that I need to express thoughts, emotions, feelings, ideas and experiences.

As with any blog, I always ask the Lord to give me the "right" words and I pray that the right words come to me now. I have quite a bit tugging at my heart concerning different topics but one that has gnawed at me the most is about people we allow and/or remain in our lives.

I believe there are varying degrees on who and how much people should be in a our lives. The only One that should have ALL of us is God. For me, I have learned that I must set boundaries so I do not become distracted from what God is trying to do in my life. It is easy to become distracted...at least for me. I vowed that I would not allow to be distracted from the Lord ever again with family, friends, marriage, work, and even with brothers and sisters in Christ. My life would be focused on Him.

So, what does one do when there are people in their lives who blatantly are not good for us? We can walk away knowing we are doing the right thing yet still pray for that person. What if it is not so easy? What if the person is a twister of scripture? You feel the darts yet there is a "spiritual smoothness" about it all....In my weakened moments, I would sense a bit of confusion. In my moments of knowing God and seeing the enemy at work, I know what needs to be done. The same thing should be done as the person who is blatantly not good for us...we walk away knowing we are doing the right thing yet still pray for that person.

I have no desire to surround myself with those who are focused on themselves. My prayers are not that of selfish desires...I want to serve the Lord. I am not standing in judgment of those who have certain wants and needs met by the Lord. I guess I am just not in that place in my life where I desire more of anything except for more of Jesus. In all honestly, if the Lord called me home tomorrow then I would be willing to go without hesitation. I want Jesus!

I think the most frustrating part for me right now is that I express my desire...to be fully consumed with Jesus...yet...I am not heard. Distractions are thrown my way like fiery darts...blatantly and spiritual twisting...and they would all be irrelevant if my words spoken would be taken to heart. Contrary to what people believe, I am shy and don't like to talk so when I express myself...I say what I mean and I mean what I say. It is that simple.

So, I say all of that to say this, if there is a relationship that is draining life out of you then maybe it is time to put it to the side for awhile or even permanently. Keep that person in prayer but don't let him/her become a distraction from the calling in your life. Do not compromise. If you meet someone and your spiritual gifting of discernment is sending you red flags...listen. Do not settle. Keep your eyes focused on the Cross. God's timing is NOT our own. I learned that with marrying my now ex-husband. I married out of fear and it was a disaster...that is another story. LOL!!! Learn to discern spiritual twisting. I have no idea if that is the proper description but I have seen it with a few people in my life and I know the difference...are the words spoken with love or selfishness?

Sometimes, it actually takes time to reveal the true motivation.


Thank You, Father, for loving me with unconditional love and a love so selfless that You truly desire the best for me. I ask that You remove distractions from my life and remove those who do not have pure motives. I want more of You, Jesus and I desire to serve You. Remove everything that is not of You and fill me up...You are my King!

If you have started reading this blog, a member of Destiny Worship Center and you have not taken Santiago's class...STOP! Do not read. Trust me, you will be truly blessed listening to what God has spoken to Santiago's heart by Santi.

I was hyped up after hearing this would be the most important class of the series. The message was about Sonship/Orphan hearts. I didn't really know what to expect. Honestly, I think my biggest struggle with trusting God as The Father is that I did not meet my earthly father until I was around 20 years old. My mom married my stepdad, whom I love, but they had plenty of issues and divorced when I was around 10 years old. My mother was an alcoholic so I was very independent at a young age. I used to think being an independent woman was a compliment. In reality, I was basically living in survival mode just trying to get by in this world day to day and doing whatever it took to be successful...whatever that looked like at the time. This is where the orphan heart comes in...independence is an orphaned heart. An independent (orphan) heart will not trust. Heck no...I did not trust anybody. I used to tell people all of the time that one had to earn my trust before I opened up. I was punishing people for abusing me who had never done a hurtful thing towards me.

I see so much of my behavior (before Christ) as I sit and read the notes and type this blog.

An orphaned heart is confused about their identity. He/She struggles to belong and they feel like they are on the outside looking in.

An orphaned heart struggles to submit to authority. He/She will always have an agenda and only submit if it benefits them. There is the "I will do whatever it takes" attitude. If things are going as planned then the butt kissing is in affect. If not, let the strife begin.

The one that REALLY hit home with me is: an orphaned heart struggles to know love because of his/her own pain and the wall he/she has built around the heart...there is difficulty receiving and giving love. When you close the door to the heart due to pain to keep people out-the reverse side is that you are keeping the pain closed in as well! I have been a little guilty of this lately. I haven't wanted to deal with the emotions/feelings/pain of divorce. I keep walls around my heart when it comes to a lot of things and I can see where that has now allowed the pain to remain. There is life when letting go!

Gratefully, we do not have to let our past dictate our futures. I know that my life has changed drastically since giving my life to Jesus almost three years ago. This is where "Sonship" comes in...or in my case...daughtership.

I am a daughter. I am a daughter of God...The Father...that is who I am. He loves me. When one lives knowing that they are a child of God there is no struggle of trying to belong. When I first became saved...if someone did not like me or had something ugly to say about me...I didn't take it personal anymore. I would tell myself...HA...I am a child of God! I would literally love on that person (with God's love and patience) until they could not help but love me in return because God's love feels too good to reject once you have felt it. A child of God is confident. Somewhere down the path of the past year or so...I developed orphan thinking again. I am so grateful for this class. I have been reminded who I am. I am a lover of God. A follower of Christ. I am His daughter. I no longer have stinkin' thinkin' and a victim mentality.

This blog does no justice to the amazing word Santiago has brought to all who have taken his class. All I can do is share bits and pieces and pray that your heart is stirred just a little bit.

As my journey continues I desire for God to show more of Himself to me as I seek Him. I want to show people the love of Christ through my actions. As a daughter, I want my Father to smile down on me as my face looks towards Him.

This message is intended for women, however, I think it would definitely be good for a man to read as well...

A WOMAN must hide her heart so deep in Christ that a MAN must seek GOD to find it!

First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it's made on an emotional one.. "What about love? Shouldn't that be the third?", you ask. No, and I'll tell you why. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jer. 17:9). The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently- -it just loves to love! Therefore, you have to point it in the right directions: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Prov. 4:23). Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage. Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship, and then marriage. Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively- -it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts:

1. Check out the fabric

Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family--the family of God? Scripture is clear on this: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor. 6:14). You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together. Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you?

The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Prov. 18:22). Note--who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam had no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: "We love him because He first loved us" (1 Jn 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one man--your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again,--WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you--this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart.

A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies.

Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother.

How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do . Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut.

Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life.

Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? broken relationships? problems in making commitments? including the job market? mood swings? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision?

Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person--and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life. A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader in his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.

9. Complementarities.

Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotionally, orphysically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you as a rare find, a priceless jewel--because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable, or that you have to work for love, is too expensive! God has called the man to cover, protect, and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself?

Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. He cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by thepull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive. So you decide How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God Himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand that they desired.. T

he truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.

I am taking a bible class at Destiny Worship Center on Sunday morning. The topic for last weekend was sin. This past weekend was on forgiveness. Whew! I must say this was pretty intense yet eye opening for me. I found that I still have a little bit of forgiving to do but not as much as I thought. I found that when I hear certain things I automatically point fingers. Okay, I don't literally point fingers but when I hear about betrayals, lies, deceit, or any other wrong doings...I tend to think of examples of what "other" people have done to me or people I love. The eye opening moment happened last night as I was lying in bed...the Holy Spirit told me..."Don't worry about all the wrong other people have done...ask for forgiveness and repent for the wrongs YOU have done so you can be forgiven and set free." Whew...talk about a reality check. I guess it is easier to think of the crappy things others have done instead of looking in the mirror. Which leads me to one more eye opener...I have found that MOST people who live in depression, bondage or away from Christ are struggling because they cannot forgive themselves of the past. To me, it is easier to forgive other people for the wrong they have done but it is more difficult for me to forgive myself.

So, the class this weekend was awesome! I have 4 more weeks of this amazing class. I can hardly contain myself. So, I thought I would share a little bit of what the Lord has spoken to Santiago's heart. I would love to have his messages on tape as I have a slight memory issue due to the wonderful chemo brain...yes...I will blame it on that even though I had a terrible memory before cancer. LOL! I have notes but there is so much he speaks about in between...

We live in Past-Present or Present Future. So, we are either looking behind or we are looking ahead. The goal of the enemy is to steal your future by making you dwell in your past. I think dwelling in the past can be unhealthy when it is positive too...that is my own personal opinion. To me if you are dwelling in the past versus just visiting every now and then you are not looking forward. The positive "dwellings" could easily twist into depression if one is dwelling on something that is no longer. The enemy can control the mind by keeping a person focused on the past. He will use weapons such as unforgiveness, rejection, bitterness and anger. A person living as PAST-PRESENT is bound by one or more of these weapons in his/her life. A person's destiny in God is in the FUTURE not the past.

The importance of forgiveness-dealing with the past present mentality-

Forgiveness is the key to put the past behind us...letting go and reaching ahead. Unforgiveness in a person's life gives the enemy a right into our lives. It is an open door for the enemy to bring in hate, bitterness and resentment. Unforgiveness is a prison; and you are the prisoner. It hardens our hearts. If your heart is full of hate then there is no room for God in it.

The next statement is powerful and so true: WHATEVER YOU HATE IN A PERSON, IF YOU DON'T FORGIVE, IS THE VERY THING THAT YOU WILL BECOME. Wow! There is an example of this in the Bible (II Samuel the story of Ansalom) and I could give a small life experience. I HATED Jason's addiction. I didn't hate him...I hated the addiction. Yet, as much as I hated the addiction when we split up I found myself dependant on drinking wine to numb my feelings...I became that very thing that I hated. I still struggle. One of the most important statements and reality checks is that if a person does not forgive then they cannot be forgiven by the Father. That is terrifying to me. Matthew 6:14-15 states it very clear, "For if you forgive others for their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do NOT forgive others for their sins, NEITHER will your Father forgive your sins." OUCH!

Refusing to forgive means we are refusing to be healed of our hurt and Jesus already paid the price for our healing. We simply imply that His sacrifice on the cross is not enough.

We don't have a right to be wounded but we do have a right to be healed...made whole. We must forgive people to keep us from having a victim mentality. We will never reach our God given destiny if we are living in the past.

Two other "reality checks" made me think quite a bit. The first one is that being bound to the past means that my future would have a repeat of the same experiences. If a person does not grow from trials/storms then how could they possibly do anything different for it not to occur again? It goes back to that lovely "INSANITY" definition...which I will blog on later...LOL! The other reality check is that CHOOSING TO REMAIN WOUNDED GUARANTEES YOU ARE GOING TO WOUND PEOPLE. Only hurting people hurt other people. When people are filled with joy and peace...they do not walk around hurting others!

How do we learn to forgive?

#1-Because we are forgiven then we can forgive. Jesus paid the ultimate price!!!

We don't forgive from our emotions we forgive from our faith. I think it takes a lot of letting go of our "independence" as individuals. We cannot possibly forgive other people on our own especially when terrible things have occured. We NEED Jesus. Traumatic events are only here to torment our lives if replayed over and over so why not let them go???

Living with a PRESENT-FUTURE heart when it comes to forgiveness is a lifestyle not just situation to situation. We know that life is not going to be a bowl of cherries...if you like cherries...lol. We need to prepare our hearts. There will always be rejection and hurt. The King of kings and Lord of lords was rejected. To think one is too good to be rejected is implying (my opinion) that one is placing him/her above Jesus. We must learn to rely on God. He is the ONLY one whom we can trust 100%. He is faithful. We need to live excited about our lives.

Santi mentioned 3 reasons why we walk through stuff in our lives. To put it harshly one reason is that we are now reaping what we sow. Man...that really sucks but it is the truth. I think coming to that realization one might watch what is sown. The other is that we are walking outside of God's covering. It is about choices. God gives us free will and if we are choosing to do things outside of God then we will experience things that are not pleasant. Lastly, we walk through stuff in our lives because God is working in us. We should never feel as if we have arrived. We have a lot to learn and that means we will experience pleasant and not so pleasant things in our lives. Just because we are walking through stuff...sometimes stinky poo...that does not mean life is hopeless. Do not let satan steal the Joy or the promises of God.

Every issue that I allow God to heal in my life is what gives me authority in Jesus' name to heal others. If I was angry at God or others for having cancer, not being able to have children, going through a divorce and issues I struggled with as a child then I would never have fullness in God and help other people.

Bottom line-unforgiveness does NOT hurt the other person because they could be walking around not giving you the time of day. It hurts YOU.