I know who I am
4:32 PM Posted In My Walk with God Edit This
If you have started reading this blog, a member of Destiny Worship Center and you have not taken Santiago's class...STOP! Do not read. Trust me, you will be truly blessed listening to what God has spoken to Santiago's heart by Santi.
I was hyped up after hearing this would be the most important class of the series. The message was about Sonship/Orphan hearts. I didn't really know what to expect. Honestly, I think my biggest struggle with trusting God as The Father is that I did not meet my earthly father until I was around 20 years old. My mom married my stepdad, whom I love, but they had plenty of issues and divorced when I was around 10 years old. My mother was an alcoholic so I was very independent at a young age. I used to think being an independent woman was a compliment. In reality, I was basically living in survival mode just trying to get by in this world day to day and doing whatever it took to be successful...whatever that looked like at the time. This is where the orphan heart comes in...independence is an orphaned heart. An independent (orphan) heart will not trust. Heck no...I did not trust anybody. I used to tell people all of the time that one had to earn my trust before I opened up. I was punishing people for abusing me who had never done a hurtful thing towards me.
I see so much of my behavior (before Christ) as I sit and read the notes and type this blog.
An orphaned heart is confused about their identity. He/She struggles to belong and they feel like they are on the outside looking in.
An orphaned heart struggles to submit to authority. He/She will always have an agenda and only submit if it benefits them. There is the "I will do whatever it takes" attitude. If things are going as planned then the butt kissing is in affect. If not, let the strife begin.
The one that REALLY hit home with me is: an orphaned heart struggles to know love because of his/her own pain and the wall he/she has built around the heart...there is difficulty receiving and giving love. When you close the door to the heart due to pain to keep people out-the reverse side is that you are keeping the pain closed in as well! I have been a little guilty of this lately. I haven't wanted to deal with the emotions/feelings/pain of divorce. I keep walls around my heart when it comes to a lot of things and I can see where that has now allowed the pain to remain. There is life when letting go!
Gratefully, we do not have to let our past dictate our futures. I know that my life has changed drastically since giving my life to Jesus almost three years ago. This is where "Sonship" comes in...or in my case...daughtership.
I am a daughter. I am a daughter of God...The Father...that is who I am. He loves me. When one lives knowing that they are a child of God there is no struggle of trying to belong. When I first became saved...if someone did not like me or had something ugly to say about me...I didn't take it personal anymore. I would tell myself...HA...I am a child of God! I would literally love on that person (with God's love and patience) until they could not help but love me in return because God's love feels too good to reject once you have felt it. A child of God is confident. Somewhere down the path of the past year or so...I developed orphan thinking again. I am so grateful for this class. I have been reminded who I am. I am a lover of God. A follower of Christ. I am His daughter. I no longer have stinkin' thinkin' and a victim mentality.
This blog does no justice to the amazing word Santiago has brought to all who have taken his class. All I can do is share bits and pieces and pray that your heart is stirred just a little bit.
As my journey continues I desire for God to show more of Himself to me as I seek Him. I want to show people the love of Christ through my actions. As a daughter, I want my Father to smile down on me as my face looks towards Him.
I was hyped up after hearing this would be the most important class of the series. The message was about Sonship/Orphan hearts. I didn't really know what to expect. Honestly, I think my biggest struggle with trusting God as The Father is that I did not meet my earthly father until I was around 20 years old. My mom married my stepdad, whom I love, but they had plenty of issues and divorced when I was around 10 years old. My mother was an alcoholic so I was very independent at a young age. I used to think being an independent woman was a compliment. In reality, I was basically living in survival mode just trying to get by in this world day to day and doing whatever it took to be successful...whatever that looked like at the time. This is where the orphan heart comes in...independence is an orphaned heart. An independent (orphan) heart will not trust. Heck no...I did not trust anybody. I used to tell people all of the time that one had to earn my trust before I opened up. I was punishing people for abusing me who had never done a hurtful thing towards me.
I see so much of my behavior (before Christ) as I sit and read the notes and type this blog.
An orphaned heart is confused about their identity. He/She struggles to belong and they feel like they are on the outside looking in.
An orphaned heart struggles to submit to authority. He/She will always have an agenda and only submit if it benefits them. There is the "I will do whatever it takes" attitude. If things are going as planned then the butt kissing is in affect. If not, let the strife begin.
The one that REALLY hit home with me is: an orphaned heart struggles to know love because of his/her own pain and the wall he/she has built around the heart...there is difficulty receiving and giving love. When you close the door to the heart due to pain to keep people out-the reverse side is that you are keeping the pain closed in as well! I have been a little guilty of this lately. I haven't wanted to deal with the emotions/feelings/pain of divorce. I keep walls around my heart when it comes to a lot of things and I can see where that has now allowed the pain to remain. There is life when letting go!
Gratefully, we do not have to let our past dictate our futures. I know that my life has changed drastically since giving my life to Jesus almost three years ago. This is where "Sonship" comes in...or in my case...daughtership.
I am a daughter. I am a daughter of God...The Father...that is who I am. He loves me. When one lives knowing that they are a child of God there is no struggle of trying to belong. When I first became saved...if someone did not like me or had something ugly to say about me...I didn't take it personal anymore. I would tell myself...HA...I am a child of God! I would literally love on that person (with God's love and patience) until they could not help but love me in return because God's love feels too good to reject once you have felt it. A child of God is confident. Somewhere down the path of the past year or so...I developed orphan thinking again. I am so grateful for this class. I have been reminded who I am. I am a lover of God. A follower of Christ. I am His daughter. I no longer have stinkin' thinkin' and a victim mentality.
This blog does no justice to the amazing word Santiago has brought to all who have taken his class. All I can do is share bits and pieces and pray that your heart is stirred just a little bit.
As my journey continues I desire for God to show more of Himself to me as I seek Him. I want to show people the love of Christ through my actions. As a daughter, I want my Father to smile down on me as my face looks towards Him.