He is my Prince of Peace

This blog is not intended to “preach” fire and brimstone or scare people into salvation by asking the unsuccessful question, “Do you know where you will go if you left this earth today?” Trust me, I considered myself agnostic/atheist about 4 years ago. That question never led me to give my life to Jesus. I am only sorting through my own thoughts, processing my own emotions on death and sharing those thoughts with anyone who cares to read due to so many loved ones passing from this earth. So, comments are always welcomed but I am certainly not starting any kind of debate here…

Death has been in the back of my mind for a couple of years now. As a lot of you know, I was diagnosed with Stage IIIC Ovarian Cancer back in 2008. Although I am in remission, I still have to get past the 5-6 year “danger zone” before my chances of recurrence is lessened. As to date, I have a 50-80% the cancer may come back.

This past year alone, I have had someone close to me pass away and know of people who have passed away at an early age. My uncle Ronnie passed away at the age of 58 from cancer. My best friend lost her grandmother, Elizabeth Jarosin. A high school schoolmate ended her life at the age of 37. And 32 year-old Misty Williams recently passed away of cancer. This is all within 4 months, and we just started the month of April.

I think it would be safe to say that both believers and non-believers ask the question, “Why God?” at one point in our lives when it comes to the death of a loved one lost too soon. Losing a loved one at a young age or losing a loved one who has small children is hard for us to grasp. I often find myself asking the same question while grieving… "WHY?” I think the closest I have ever been to God through prayer and seeking His Truth was the 2007 horrific accident that claimed the lives of Siran Stacey’s wife and four children. For quite some time, I would ask “Why those precious young innocent children?” “Why would this happen to such a beautiful family?” I would wake up in the middle of the night interceding through prayer and asking God to give me some of the pain Siran was enduring. I will forever remember the comfort that I received from God during those times and I was not even a part of the immediate family. How much more was God comforting the loved ones? Something else that comforted me was I knew the Stacey family would be seen again by many in Heaven.

This is where I ask that you read my first paragraph over because some might think I am about to get “preachy or spooky spiritual.”

I am in the middle of reading a book called, “Heaven” by Randy Alcorn. Ha! I am in the middle of reading MANY books right about now. Anyway, I read the following and it really made me start thinking.

“Earth is an in-between world touched by both Heaven and Hell. Earth leads directly into Heaven or directly into Hell, affording a choice between the two. The best of life on Earth is a glimpse of Heaven; the worst of life is a glimpse of Hell. For Christians, this present life is the closet they will come to Hell. For unbelievers, it is the closest they will come to Heaven.” –Randy Alcorn

That small but powerful paragraph has my wheels turning!

I have had a lot of emotions and thoughts surfacing lately as I have been reflecting back on the family of Siran Stacy, the death of my uncle due to cancer, lives lost due to cancer and illnesses, my best friend’s grandmother, and the young woman who committed suicide. Although it saddens me that all of these people lost their lives too early…some sadden me more than others. For me, it is the lives of whom I know were not believers that sadden and grieve my heart the most.

Death is inevitable. We will all eventually pass from this earth into the spiritual realm. As a believer in Christ, I know that to be absent of the body is to be present with the Lord. I will go to Heaven and I will be with my Heavenly Father. Of course, there are two sides of that spiritual realm. The other reality is not all people go to Heaven. We ALL have the choice to live life eternally with the Father (Heaven) or live eternally without Him (Hell) but He gives us the free-will to choose. We either accept His Son into our heart or we don’t. Regardless of our choice, we will be face to face with the Father before passing to one side or the other. God doesn’t send people to hell. People choose where eternity will be spent.

Okay, I know some might think that was a little bold or harsh but I felt I had to put a little bit of my “two cents” worth concerning that very important issue. LOL!

I look at my own life, my battle with cancer and my faith. Even with my strong faith… I often wonder if the cancer will come back. Living, dying, faith and salvation has been part of my daily thoughts for the past several years. As a believer, I am not afraid of leaving this earth. To me, if the cancer ever takes my physical body, I have still won! I only pray that I will see many of my friends and family that have not taken the step of faith to accept Christ. I don’t know if it is right or wrong that I don’t beat them over the head with my Bible…hehe just kidding…but I just know that it took me desiring change in my life to accept Christ and receive salvation. I also pray for people to truly understand that no one is promised tomorrow.

Since this blog was somewhat deep, I will end it with a little humor from the book, “Heaven.”

An Indiana cemetery has a tombstone, more than one hundred years old, with the following epitaph:

Pause, stranger, when you pass me by:
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so you will be.
So prepare for death and follow me.

An unknown passerby scratched these additional words on the tombstone:

To follow you I’m not content,
Until I know which way you went.


Blessings and love,
Tasha

I have wanted to blog on the topic of “Christianity” for quite some time but I have been very hesitant. Why? I know that I could possibly be opening up a can of worms for negative feedback from Non-Christians and even Christians. I guess when you get down to it blogging isn’t about being right or wrong it is all about the perception, thoughts, feelings, and experiences from the one who is blogging.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about why people are hesitant to give their life to the Lord and why Christians turn away from “the church.” I don’t think it is because of God that people are hesitant or walk away but it is because of Christians. This is not a new revelation so I definitely won’t take the credit.

Ironically enough, I knew that I would be blogging on this topic and a book coincidentally (NOT) popped up during my visit at Lifeway Christian Bookstore. It is called, “I’m fine with God… It’s Christians I can’t stand” by Bruce Bickel and Stan Jantz. The book definitely caught my attention. I must say that I LOVE my brothers and sisters in Christ and this blog is not to slam anybody nor is it directed at anyone in particular. Again, I am going on my perception, thoughts, feelings and experiences before and after being a “Christian.”

In the book there was a study done with a Christian audience asking, “What one word best describes the reputations Christians have in our society?”

Responses: Judgmental, Hypocritical, Self-Righteous, Ignorant, Pushy, Dangerous, Irrelevant and Obnoxious.

“These Christian groups always agree that this unflattering reputation of their own constituency is deserved and accurate. They readily admit that their group is not being falsely accused. Apparently a lot of extremist Christians somewhere have been working very hard to earn their unflattering reputation. “

I have only read the first several pages but I am truly looking forward to reading the book.

I remember before I gave my life to the Lord I thought Christians were judgmental, hypocritical, self-righteous, ignorant, pushy, and obnoxious. I am pretty sure that I had a few more adjectives to describe Christians and Christianity. As a Christian, I have found some of those same descriptions to be true. Hence, I feel that Non-Christians and Christians reject God because of “Christians.”

As a Christian, I know that we are ALL in need of God’s grace and mercy. NONE of us are perfect. We can’t read our bibles or pray enough or do “works” to be perfect. Jesus is perfect. We are not. We’ve read bumper stickers that tell us that “Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven.” But Christians don’t need to announce to the world they aren’t perfect; this comes as no surprise to anyone. The fact is painfully obvious to every person who isn’t a Christian. But we’re not so sure it is obvious to the Christian themselves. Even if they are not part of the murderous, bigoted extremist, too many Christians tend to be hypercritical, self-righteous, judgmental and intolerant. In the marketplace of ideas, God deserves a FAIR SHOT. Whether people believe in Him or not ought to be their free choice. But God should NOT be handicapped with the baggage of harebrained followers who claim His name but do not accurately reflect His principles. LOVE!

I have experienced some of these ungodly reactions personally as a Christian. As a very passionate believer I have even found myself slowly shying away from other Christians. This does not mean I have entertained the thought of walking away from the Lord. He is my Everything! However, I have experienced on more than one occasion…wolves in sheep’s clothing and Christians full of pride and judgment. Am I being judgmental feeling this way? Again, I am not blogging to be right or wrong this is my perception and experiences.

I think anybody who truly knows me can say without a doubt that I love people. My passion is that people come to know my Savior, Healer, Prince of Peace…Jesus!!! I am still friends with loved ones that I knew before I was saved. Several, probably most, are not living a Godly lifestyle. Do I judge them? No. I feel that I truly live by the saying, “One can love the sinner but not the sin.” Hmm…are we not all sinners? I believe in that saying yet in some way it sounds like isolation as if Christians do not sin. Sadly, I think that Christians tend to isolate themselves from others with the idea that they are perfect. Yes, there is scripture that we are not to be unequally yoked and we are no longer of this world. I do know my Bible. At the same time…did Jesus isolate himself and only hang out with the Godly people? No. How many Christians that are judgmental, prideful and self-righteous are leading unbelievers to the Lord? I would say probably not many. I feel that we can be passionate (about Christ) yet compassionate (to the lost). I can honestly say that if I would have dropped all of my “non-believing” friends it would have caused more damage.

SIN-Is one sin GREATER than another? No. Sin is sin no matter how you look at it. The difference between an unbeliever and a believer is acknowledging the sin and repenting from it. For whatever reason, my past experiences with people who struggle with sin (drug addiction, pride, anger and lust) are judgmental of other sin. It absolutely blows my mind. Personally, I pray for the grace and mercy for my own short-comings instead of judging the sin of other people.

I have touched quite a bit about “Christians” but what about the judgmental, hypocritical and self-righteousness of the unbeliever? I guess it goes both ways. Is it okay to judge ALL Christians are the same? How about being hypocritical? Is it hypocritical to call upon the name of the Lord in time of need only to throw Him to the side when He is no longer needed? He is not a let-me-grant-you-three-wishes genie in a bottle or have you been a good boy/girl Santa Claus.” Better yet, is there so much self-righteousness where one feels that they don’t even need God?

With all of this being said, my prayer is that people embrace one another where they are in life. We are not one another’s Holy Spirit or Savior. All we should strive for as Christians is show people the love of Christ. We might not agree with a certain lifestyle, denomination, or lack thereof but we are called to LOVE. I would much rather love the sinner (not the sin) VS reject the sinner and turn that person away from knowing the love of God.

Being a Christian is not as easy as one might believe. We are always under a microscope. We are under a microscope with unbelievers and other Christians. At the same time, Christians are continually looking at the sin of unbelievers. Can we not all just focus working on ourselves, loving others where they are in life and letting God have His way in us to bring others to Him?

I have heard and used the saying that people come in our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. I don't remember when or by whom I first heard that expression but it was around the time I first gave my life to the Lord. I feel that saying sheds light to people and circumstances in my life and I hold onto it.

Looking back, I can see all the different circumstances and the people who had a role in those circumstances/my life and can make the distinction as to the "category" they are placed in my life. Out of the three, Reason, Season, or Lifetime, I struggle with the season. I prefer reason and lifetime relationships.

REASONS-

I dated a guy when I was a teenager who was extremely abusive to me...physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually. He is now serving 3 life sentences and possibly death row. I never understood the "reason" why a loving God would "allow" me to go through something so horrendous. Keep in mind...I didn't even believe in God but that isn't the point. LOL! However, I can look back now and see that God was my Protector during those times and I didn't even know it. I can now minister to women who have been in abusive relationships.

I battled depression most of my life. For any of those who have struggled with this demon...it is not fun. Sadly, I would try to find "things" or "people" to fulfill my life only to be left unsatisfied. I feel now that I can relate to others who have dealt with this demon and let them know there is Hope found in Jesus and Jesus alone.

My breaking point was when I dated a man that I had no business dating. I remember becoming so broken due to the pain, anguish, guilt and all the other demons that come with that chaos that I called upon the name of Jesus to save me. I can honestly say that I don't regret that "reason" because I gave my life to the Lord in a car in New Orleans and I have never been the same.

Cancer. The scary "C" word. I remember hearing that word for the first time pertaining to my life. I was more disturbed that I would never have children. I was never scared of cancer. I guess deep down I knew that I would be healed. I held onto the scripture of "By His Stripes we are healed" and believed in the power of prayer. I have been blessed with healing and the powerful testimony of Jesus still healing today.

My brief marriage to a drug addict/con artist was bittersweet. Ya know, I will be the first to say that the short-lived marriage caused a lot of pain. However, I feel that it was also a distraction for me while battling cancer. It truly kept my mind off of being sick. To this day, I look back at pictures of when I was going through cancer and chemo and it is hard for me to recall memories...all of my memories are those of dealing with an addict. God knows why things happen the way they do. I can only guess that this was a test...which I passed...and I have been blessed with another powerful testimony.

LIFETIMES-

I consider my long lasting friendships my "lifetimes." I have friendships ranging from 24 years to a little over a year. The friends that are in my circle are lifetime relationships. I know that time or circumstances will not change the nature of our relationship. There are no temper tantrums, back-stabbing or drama. There is communication...sometimes with my disclaimers...always with love. We can go days, weeks, months or a year of not talking but connect again as if no time has lapsed. I treasure these friendships more than I could ever express. We are there for one another no matter what happens!!

Seasons-

The one that saddens me is season. I struggle with season friendships or circumstances. To me, it seems like a waste of time, shallow, tiring, unfulfilled, and heartbreaking. Maybe this is my lack of maturity in my faith as I know biblically we all go through seasons. I have experienced relationships where I thought one might be a lifetime friendship only to find that expectations, selfishness, pride and drama is revealed and the friendship is dwindled down to nothing more than a season...heck...even a reason would give a little more substance. I am sure as I grow in my faith I will learn a little more. Hence, one reason why I love having relationships with my brothers and sisters in Christ...I hear Godly wisdom.

I guess all we can do is continue to love one another and let God be God in our lives. God and time will reveal the reason, season and lifetime people/circumstances in our lives. The reasons can be positive or negative and the season are not understood by me...I completely trust God to make all things work together for good and to His glory.

My "random" blogs are generally all over the place and filled more with emotions instead of knowledge. I am sure this one will be the same. I have been feeling many different emotions these past several months. I would like to think most of them are positive.

I am officially divorced as of October 27th, 2009. The big divorce day was/is bittersweet. It was something that had to happen yet divorce is not always the easiest choice to make regardless of how terrible the marriage is at the time. I knew the moment I filed for divorce that I had been released from Jason by the Lord. I continually receive confirmation by the still existing lifestyle and rollercoaster that I observe from a distance. Thank You, Christ Jesus, for releasing me and giving me the courage to walk away and love myself enough to make those tough decisions.

I am also starting to come to the realization that men and women (singles) truly don't know how to be "just friends." It is a confusing situation that leaves people hurt, bitter and closed off no matter how much is expressed in the beginning of the "expectations" and reality of the friendship. One can state that they are loving you with the heart of God and that no expectations are in that friendship but I have found that is not true. When the reality hits that the friendship will not turn into romance...actions or lack of actions become apparent and truth is revealed. I have found that I am more comfortable surrounding myself around women of God for that one on one friendship. I will continue to allow God to guide my steps and if/when it ever changes then I will know without a doubt.

I have been taking a class at Destiny Worship Center taught byt our Pastor. Basically, it is a leadership class that is helping us find our "calling" and place in the church. I think everybody knows that I LOVE MY CHURCH and I want to be used in mighty ways. I don't care if that means I am scrubbing toliets. I LOVE MY CHURCH and more importantly, I LOVE SERVING GOD! I know that my calling is spreading the gospel. I LOVE talking about Jesus especially to those who do not know the Lord. I don't know what the future holds but I know that I am called to witness.

Last, I just had another check up and I am cancer free! Praise Jesus, my Healer and Prince of Peace!!! I don't know why I become anxious when it comes time to have my check up. It is not a lack of faith as some might think. I guess it takes "being there" to know what I am experiencing. Nonetheless, I received confirmation from my WONDERFUL Dr. D (hehe...some of you know what I am talking about) and I feel that heaviness fall off of my shoulders.

So, I guess that sums it up for now. I still would love to blog more openly like I used to do on Myspace but I will let the Lord lead my fingers.

I have spent quite some time trying to figure out what I want to write. I tend to always have an opinion about something but I generally don't feel the need to voice it as I used too. Maybe it is growth in my walk with the Lord, discernment or I could just be more cautious and have my guard up. Nonetheless, I have found that I blog less and less. However, as life unfolds and time passes with each day, I still find that I need to express thoughts, emotions, feelings, ideas and experiences.

As with any blog, I always ask the Lord to give me the "right" words and I pray that the right words come to me now. I have quite a bit tugging at my heart concerning different topics but one that has gnawed at me the most is about people we allow and/or remain in our lives.

I believe there are varying degrees on who and how much people should be in a our lives. The only One that should have ALL of us is God. For me, I have learned that I must set boundaries so I do not become distracted from what God is trying to do in my life. It is easy to become distracted...at least for me. I vowed that I would not allow to be distracted from the Lord ever again with family, friends, marriage, work, and even with brothers and sisters in Christ. My life would be focused on Him.

So, what does one do when there are people in their lives who blatantly are not good for us? We can walk away knowing we are doing the right thing yet still pray for that person. What if it is not so easy? What if the person is a twister of scripture? You feel the darts yet there is a "spiritual smoothness" about it all....In my weakened moments, I would sense a bit of confusion. In my moments of knowing God and seeing the enemy at work, I know what needs to be done. The same thing should be done as the person who is blatantly not good for us...we walk away knowing we are doing the right thing yet still pray for that person.

I have no desire to surround myself with those who are focused on themselves. My prayers are not that of selfish desires...I want to serve the Lord. I am not standing in judgment of those who have certain wants and needs met by the Lord. I guess I am just not in that place in my life where I desire more of anything except for more of Jesus. In all honestly, if the Lord called me home tomorrow then I would be willing to go without hesitation. I want Jesus!

I think the most frustrating part for me right now is that I express my desire...to be fully consumed with Jesus...yet...I am not heard. Distractions are thrown my way like fiery darts...blatantly and spiritual twisting...and they would all be irrelevant if my words spoken would be taken to heart. Contrary to what people believe, I am shy and don't like to talk so when I express myself...I say what I mean and I mean what I say. It is that simple.

So, I say all of that to say this, if there is a relationship that is draining life out of you then maybe it is time to put it to the side for awhile or even permanently. Keep that person in prayer but don't let him/her become a distraction from the calling in your life. Do not compromise. If you meet someone and your spiritual gifting of discernment is sending you red flags...listen. Do not settle. Keep your eyes focused on the Cross. God's timing is NOT our own. I learned that with marrying my now ex-husband. I married out of fear and it was a disaster...that is another story. LOL!!! Learn to discern spiritual twisting. I have no idea if that is the proper description but I have seen it with a few people in my life and I know the difference...are the words spoken with love or selfishness?

Sometimes, it actually takes time to reveal the true motivation.


Thank You, Father, for loving me with unconditional love and a love so selfless that You truly desire the best for me. I ask that You remove distractions from my life and remove those who do not have pure motives. I want more of You, Jesus and I desire to serve You. Remove everything that is not of You and fill me up...You are my King!

If you have started reading this blog, a member of Destiny Worship Center and you have not taken Santiago's class...STOP! Do not read. Trust me, you will be truly blessed listening to what God has spoken to Santiago's heart by Santi.

I was hyped up after hearing this would be the most important class of the series. The message was about Sonship/Orphan hearts. I didn't really know what to expect. Honestly, I think my biggest struggle with trusting God as The Father is that I did not meet my earthly father until I was around 20 years old. My mom married my stepdad, whom I love, but they had plenty of issues and divorced when I was around 10 years old. My mother was an alcoholic so I was very independent at a young age. I used to think being an independent woman was a compliment. In reality, I was basically living in survival mode just trying to get by in this world day to day and doing whatever it took to be successful...whatever that looked like at the time. This is where the orphan heart comes in...independence is an orphaned heart. An independent (orphan) heart will not trust. Heck no...I did not trust anybody. I used to tell people all of the time that one had to earn my trust before I opened up. I was punishing people for abusing me who had never done a hurtful thing towards me.

I see so much of my behavior (before Christ) as I sit and read the notes and type this blog.

An orphaned heart is confused about their identity. He/She struggles to belong and they feel like they are on the outside looking in.

An orphaned heart struggles to submit to authority. He/She will always have an agenda and only submit if it benefits them. There is the "I will do whatever it takes" attitude. If things are going as planned then the butt kissing is in affect. If not, let the strife begin.

The one that REALLY hit home with me is: an orphaned heart struggles to know love because of his/her own pain and the wall he/she has built around the heart...there is difficulty receiving and giving love. When you close the door to the heart due to pain to keep people out-the reverse side is that you are keeping the pain closed in as well! I have been a little guilty of this lately. I haven't wanted to deal with the emotions/feelings/pain of divorce. I keep walls around my heart when it comes to a lot of things and I can see where that has now allowed the pain to remain. There is life when letting go!

Gratefully, we do not have to let our past dictate our futures. I know that my life has changed drastically since giving my life to Jesus almost three years ago. This is where "Sonship" comes in...or in my case...daughtership.

I am a daughter. I am a daughter of God...The Father...that is who I am. He loves me. When one lives knowing that they are a child of God there is no struggle of trying to belong. When I first became saved...if someone did not like me or had something ugly to say about me...I didn't take it personal anymore. I would tell myself...HA...I am a child of God! I would literally love on that person (with God's love and patience) until they could not help but love me in return because God's love feels too good to reject once you have felt it. A child of God is confident. Somewhere down the path of the past year or so...I developed orphan thinking again. I am so grateful for this class. I have been reminded who I am. I am a lover of God. A follower of Christ. I am His daughter. I no longer have stinkin' thinkin' and a victim mentality.

This blog does no justice to the amazing word Santiago has brought to all who have taken his class. All I can do is share bits and pieces and pray that your heart is stirred just a little bit.

As my journey continues I desire for God to show more of Himself to me as I seek Him. I want to show people the love of Christ through my actions. As a daughter, I want my Father to smile down on me as my face looks towards Him.

This message is intended for women, however, I think it would definitely be good for a man to read as well...

A WOMAN must hide her heart so deep in Christ that a MAN must seek GOD to find it!

First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it's made on an emotional one.. "What about love? Shouldn't that be the third?", you ask. No, and I'll tell you why. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jer. 17:9). The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently- -it just loves to love! Therefore, you have to point it in the right directions: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Prov. 4:23). Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage. Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship, and then marriage. Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively- -it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts:

1. Check out the fabric

Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family--the family of God? Scripture is clear on this: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor. 6:14). You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together. Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you?

The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Prov. 18:22). Note--who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam had no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: "We love him because He first loved us" (1 Jn 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one man--your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again,--WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you--this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart.

A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies.

Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother.

How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do . Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut.

Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life.

Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? broken relationships? problems in making commitments? including the job market? mood swings? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision?

Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person--and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life. A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader in his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.

9. Complementarities.

Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotionally, orphysically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you as a rare find, a priceless jewel--because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable, or that you have to work for love, is too expensive! God has called the man to cover, protect, and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself?

Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. He cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by thepull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive. So you decide How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God Himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand that they desired.. T

he truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.

I am taking a bible class at Destiny Worship Center on Sunday morning. The topic for last weekend was sin. This past weekend was on forgiveness. Whew! I must say this was pretty intense yet eye opening for me. I found that I still have a little bit of forgiving to do but not as much as I thought. I found that when I hear certain things I automatically point fingers. Okay, I don't literally point fingers but when I hear about betrayals, lies, deceit, or any other wrong doings...I tend to think of examples of what "other" people have done to me or people I love. The eye opening moment happened last night as I was lying in bed...the Holy Spirit told me..."Don't worry about all the wrong other people have done...ask for forgiveness and repent for the wrongs YOU have done so you can be forgiven and set free." Whew...talk about a reality check. I guess it is easier to think of the crappy things others have done instead of looking in the mirror. Which leads me to one more eye opener...I have found that MOST people who live in depression, bondage or away from Christ are struggling because they cannot forgive themselves of the past. To me, it is easier to forgive other people for the wrong they have done but it is more difficult for me to forgive myself.

So, the class this weekend was awesome! I have 4 more weeks of this amazing class. I can hardly contain myself. So, I thought I would share a little bit of what the Lord has spoken to Santiago's heart. I would love to have his messages on tape as I have a slight memory issue due to the wonderful chemo brain...yes...I will blame it on that even though I had a terrible memory before cancer. LOL! I have notes but there is so much he speaks about in between...

We live in Past-Present or Present Future. So, we are either looking behind or we are looking ahead. The goal of the enemy is to steal your future by making you dwell in your past. I think dwelling in the past can be unhealthy when it is positive too...that is my own personal opinion. To me if you are dwelling in the past versus just visiting every now and then you are not looking forward. The positive "dwellings" could easily twist into depression if one is dwelling on something that is no longer. The enemy can control the mind by keeping a person focused on the past. He will use weapons such as unforgiveness, rejection, bitterness and anger. A person living as PAST-PRESENT is bound by one or more of these weapons in his/her life. A person's destiny in God is in the FUTURE not the past.

The importance of forgiveness-dealing with the past present mentality-

Forgiveness is the key to put the past behind us...letting go and reaching ahead. Unforgiveness in a person's life gives the enemy a right into our lives. It is an open door for the enemy to bring in hate, bitterness and resentment. Unforgiveness is a prison; and you are the prisoner. It hardens our hearts. If your heart is full of hate then there is no room for God in it.

The next statement is powerful and so true: WHATEVER YOU HATE IN A PERSON, IF YOU DON'T FORGIVE, IS THE VERY THING THAT YOU WILL BECOME. Wow! There is an example of this in the Bible (II Samuel the story of Ansalom) and I could give a small life experience. I HATED Jason's addiction. I didn't hate him...I hated the addiction. Yet, as much as I hated the addiction when we split up I found myself dependant on drinking wine to numb my feelings...I became that very thing that I hated. I still struggle. One of the most important statements and reality checks is that if a person does not forgive then they cannot be forgiven by the Father. That is terrifying to me. Matthew 6:14-15 states it very clear, "For if you forgive others for their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do NOT forgive others for their sins, NEITHER will your Father forgive your sins." OUCH!

Refusing to forgive means we are refusing to be healed of our hurt and Jesus already paid the price for our healing. We simply imply that His sacrifice on the cross is not enough.

We don't have a right to be wounded but we do have a right to be healed...made whole. We must forgive people to keep us from having a victim mentality. We will never reach our God given destiny if we are living in the past.

Two other "reality checks" made me think quite a bit. The first one is that being bound to the past means that my future would have a repeat of the same experiences. If a person does not grow from trials/storms then how could they possibly do anything different for it not to occur again? It goes back to that lovely "INSANITY" definition...which I will blog on later...LOL! The other reality check is that CHOOSING TO REMAIN WOUNDED GUARANTEES YOU ARE GOING TO WOUND PEOPLE. Only hurting people hurt other people. When people are filled with joy and peace...they do not walk around hurting others!

How do we learn to forgive?

#1-Because we are forgiven then we can forgive. Jesus paid the ultimate price!!!

We don't forgive from our emotions we forgive from our faith. I think it takes a lot of letting go of our "independence" as individuals. We cannot possibly forgive other people on our own especially when terrible things have occured. We NEED Jesus. Traumatic events are only here to torment our lives if replayed over and over so why not let them go???

Living with a PRESENT-FUTURE heart when it comes to forgiveness is a lifestyle not just situation to situation. We know that life is not going to be a bowl of cherries...if you like cherries...lol. We need to prepare our hearts. There will always be rejection and hurt. The King of kings and Lord of lords was rejected. To think one is too good to be rejected is implying (my opinion) that one is placing him/her above Jesus. We must learn to rely on God. He is the ONLY one whom we can trust 100%. He is faithful. We need to live excited about our lives.

Santi mentioned 3 reasons why we walk through stuff in our lives. To put it harshly one reason is that we are now reaping what we sow. Man...that really sucks but it is the truth. I think coming to that realization one might watch what is sown. The other is that we are walking outside of God's covering. It is about choices. God gives us free will and if we are choosing to do things outside of God then we will experience things that are not pleasant. Lastly, we walk through stuff in our lives because God is working in us. We should never feel as if we have arrived. We have a lot to learn and that means we will experience pleasant and not so pleasant things in our lives. Just because we are walking through stuff...sometimes stinky poo...that does not mean life is hopeless. Do not let satan steal the Joy or the promises of God.

Every issue that I allow God to heal in my life is what gives me authority in Jesus' name to heal others. If I was angry at God or others for having cancer, not being able to have children, going through a divorce and issues I struggled with as a child then I would never have fullness in God and help other people.

Bottom line-unforgiveness does NOT hurt the other person because they could be walking around not giving you the time of day. It hurts YOU.