He is my Prince of Peace

I have heard and used the saying that people come in our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. I don't remember when or by whom I first heard that expression but it was around the time I first gave my life to the Lord. I feel that saying sheds light to people and circumstances in my life and I hold onto it.

Looking back, I can see all the different circumstances and the people who had a role in those circumstances/my life and can make the distinction as to the "category" they are placed in my life. Out of the three, Reason, Season, or Lifetime, I struggle with the season. I prefer reason and lifetime relationships.

REASONS-

I dated a guy when I was a teenager who was extremely abusive to me...physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually. He is now serving 3 life sentences and possibly death row. I never understood the "reason" why a loving God would "allow" me to go through something so horrendous. Keep in mind...I didn't even believe in God but that isn't the point. LOL! However, I can look back now and see that God was my Protector during those times and I didn't even know it. I can now minister to women who have been in abusive relationships.

I battled depression most of my life. For any of those who have struggled with this demon...it is not fun. Sadly, I would try to find "things" or "people" to fulfill my life only to be left unsatisfied. I feel now that I can relate to others who have dealt with this demon and let them know there is Hope found in Jesus and Jesus alone.

My breaking point was when I dated a man that I had no business dating. I remember becoming so broken due to the pain, anguish, guilt and all the other demons that come with that chaos that I called upon the name of Jesus to save me. I can honestly say that I don't regret that "reason" because I gave my life to the Lord in a car in New Orleans and I have never been the same.

Cancer. The scary "C" word. I remember hearing that word for the first time pertaining to my life. I was more disturbed that I would never have children. I was never scared of cancer. I guess deep down I knew that I would be healed. I held onto the scripture of "By His Stripes we are healed" and believed in the power of prayer. I have been blessed with healing and the powerful testimony of Jesus still healing today.

My brief marriage to a drug addict/con artist was bittersweet. Ya know, I will be the first to say that the short-lived marriage caused a lot of pain. However, I feel that it was also a distraction for me while battling cancer. It truly kept my mind off of being sick. To this day, I look back at pictures of when I was going through cancer and chemo and it is hard for me to recall memories...all of my memories are those of dealing with an addict. God knows why things happen the way they do. I can only guess that this was a test...which I passed...and I have been blessed with another powerful testimony.

LIFETIMES-

I consider my long lasting friendships my "lifetimes." I have friendships ranging from 24 years to a little over a year. The friends that are in my circle are lifetime relationships. I know that time or circumstances will not change the nature of our relationship. There are no temper tantrums, back-stabbing or drama. There is communication...sometimes with my disclaimers...always with love. We can go days, weeks, months or a year of not talking but connect again as if no time has lapsed. I treasure these friendships more than I could ever express. We are there for one another no matter what happens!!

Seasons-

The one that saddens me is season. I struggle with season friendships or circumstances. To me, it seems like a waste of time, shallow, tiring, unfulfilled, and heartbreaking. Maybe this is my lack of maturity in my faith as I know biblically we all go through seasons. I have experienced relationships where I thought one might be a lifetime friendship only to find that expectations, selfishness, pride and drama is revealed and the friendship is dwindled down to nothing more than a season...heck...even a reason would give a little more substance. I am sure as I grow in my faith I will learn a little more. Hence, one reason why I love having relationships with my brothers and sisters in Christ...I hear Godly wisdom.

I guess all we can do is continue to love one another and let God be God in our lives. God and time will reveal the reason, season and lifetime people/circumstances in our lives. The reasons can be positive or negative and the season are not understood by me...I completely trust God to make all things work together for good and to His glory.

I have wanted to blog for awhile but I have been hesitant (once again) due to emotions. I used to blog all of the time on Myspace and felt comfortable with expressing my thoughts. For many reasons, I feel that I have to watch what I write on Facebook/Blogger. I don't like it.

I have been thinking about people lately. Motives, actions, reactions, loyalty, expectations, honesty and character. I have thought about people currently in my life and those who were only a part of my life for a reason or season. Before I was saved (born again/new creation in Christ), I never trusted a person right away. It took me a very long time to trust...if at all. When I gave my life to the Lord, I think I started trusting to easily...especially other Christians. I am currently struggling with discernment. I used to think I had great discernment but now I think since I didn't trust anyone my discernment "appeared" to be right on. As a Christian, my mind has become clouded and it is more difficult for me to discern "Christians." It is easy to know when something is not right with those who are not saved. It is difficult (for me) to discern the works of the enemy when someone proclaims to live the life as a man or woman of God.

It is no secret that I had a very rough year in 2008 with my ex husband. Many witnessed the work of the enemy so I generally don't have to elaborate. I am not in the bad-mouthing business ...I state the facts and move on...so I will leave it there. I do bring him up only to say that I was "clouded" in my discernment due to the "man of God and christian mask." My ex is only one of several recent examples of clouded discernment when it comes to Christians.

I have also recently lost a "Christian" friend due to pride. Not pride on my side...all who know me know that I am not prideful. I will try to keep things peaceful as much as possible even to the point of apologizing/kissing up when I am not at fault. Are temper tantrums really necessary? I guess being a cancer survivor I look at things as life or death. If I am lying on my death bed....is this really going to matter? If not, I will do everything possible to make amends. Bottom line, I cannot change the hearts of man...only God can. Do people really desire to change?

I am certainly not blogging to slam christians because I AM ONE. LOL! I am a lover of Jesus. Some even call me a Jesus freak...I'm just sayin....ha ha ha. I am blogging for insight. Godly insight. I have thought the safest way to discern is to remove the "christian label" off of people that I meet so I am not clouded. I truly don't know. I don't ever want to be one of those people who turn away due to being hurt by the "church." I don't mean Destiny Worship Center. I mean my "brothers and sisters in Christ."

There are moments where I catch myself closing up. The problem with closing up is that I am to passionate about Jesus. I love Him and want to please Him so that means I love others. It is hard to love others when you have a wall closing yourself inside.

I guess the only thing to do is realize that people are still people despite where they are or where they are not with God. Nobody is perfect. The enemy will try to cause division and sometimes he will accomplish. At the end of the day (I sound like Pastor), all we can do is love on each other and pray for one another.